Single, Not Just For Holidays #InAshleighsShoes by @ashleighcoyle22

Single, Not Just For Holidays #InAshleighsShoes

Why have we created a judgement that single people are unhappy? Why do we assume that singles are lying if they tell us otherwise? And how have we started to think our lives are more elevated in a relationship than those of whom are single?

I spent the last five years of my adolescent life in relationships with no time in between to remind myself of who I was without a shadow that wasn’t even mine. Throughout those five years, I was just like you, rolling my eyes when listening to someone brag about how happy they are on their own and ignoring my friend’s requests of not wanting to be set up on dates.

Photo credit: Leisa Smith
It wasn’t until just over five months ago, I found myself single and within that first month, I had realised I was the happiest I had ever been. I was focusing on myself, my future goals and how I was going to get there, I didn’t have the stress of unnecessary arguments or confrontations and I no longer had to share my food (not that I liked to share anything!).

I will hold my hands up to the fact that I huffed, puffed and tutted to anyone older than me advising me that I needed to ‘find myself’, ‘discover who I am’ and ‘enjoy my own company whilst I’m young’. I didn’t understand the importance of these overused phrases until I was single and actually found myself enjoying it.

This is only a topic I considered when I recently attended a party where my friends arrived with their partners and I could feel the sympathetic eyes gawking at me from around the table as if I had some sort of illness. It was then I realised I had spent the previous five years treating singletons that exact way, the looks of pity when I replied I wasn’t seeing anyone, the looks of mistrust when I said I was happy and the looks of confusion when I stated I was focusing on myself.

Why do we as a society make ourselves feel like we are unfilled as single people? We should be embracing it, enjoying it and extending it!

Your singlehood is giving you time to be and know yourself, to form and expand your opinions and confidently understand what you deserve.

Don’t settle because you feel that you can’t be alone, ensure your standards are kept high! Why would you settle for less? Don’t you like yourself? Well, you should! You’re fabulous and anyone that doesn’t want you is a fool. Why would you want to chase someone who doesn’t want you? Don’t chase anyone, ever, they don’t want you and they certainly don’t want a desperado.

Spend your single time learning to love yourself the way you want your future partner to love you. I’m proud of myself that I have learnt this although I’ve still a bit to go. I know how I should be treated and what vibes I need to progress and without that, I’ll continue to push myself forward, without anyone else.

I’ve started to realise what I truly appreciate in people and what it is about other personalities that makes me enjoy their company but I’m also now aware of what it is about people that I don’t appreciate and unfortunately for my younger self that was something I didn’t give myself time to learn within those five years.

My favourite things of my now single life are that I no longer (and never will again) compromise my priorities to accommodate someone else, I have yet to enter into an intense argument (I used to consider myself argumentative) and my favourite point of all, I only have to share my bed with little Gucci (my miniature Yorkshire Terrier for those of you missed blog number 1 ‘Me, Myself & Gucci’).

’til next week, Ash x

Post Author: Belfast Times

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