I am actually stunned we are here.
Where has the time gone.
Although I promise this is the last time I will mention 2016 was by far the most challenging, toxic, traumatic, dramatic, disappointing (I could go on…) year of my life.
But as I worked through December it always brings the memory moments, you think back you remember the great times, the important times, the new friends you made and the ones you lost.
It’s like December is a self analysis of your year.
Did you progress, achieve goals, improve on imperfections, be honest, do good deeds, try your best to live as a decent human being.
Well I didn’t, this year I messed up loads, simply because my head wasn’t right; I had wild child moments, partied like a teenager, suffered like a pensioner and actually lost total control of who I was, all due to traumatic stress caused by divorce and death.
Anyway there’s only so long you can run away and hide and eventually you gotta face the pain, suffer, let it pass and realise that you know what we are all human. We all have emotions, we all have traumas, we all suffer pain, breakup, heartache, death, we make mistakes, we say and do the wrong things and what I’ve learned is everyone is the same.
No one has life right, no one is perfect and no one gets through without experiencing life’s problems and difficulties.
So I went back to basics and started meditation morning and night. I wished those well who betrayed and hurt me and tried to understand their unexcusable behaviour, lies and tell tales.
We are all adults and I am shocked that adults can be so manipulating, deceptive and that people actually believe stories first hand.
I’ve kept low this past few months for peace of mind and stillness.
Separation is brutal, especially when one partner has moved on, the hurt and pain is unbearable to cope with, even when you know the separation was the right decision.
So I went back to self work. Accepting myself, releasing the resentment that my ex partner was so far moved on and I had become a recluse. I had to identify and realise and accept that nothing or no one in life is permanent.
If we hold on to attachment and cannot let go that’s where the pain lies.
So working on acceptance, loving kindness and letting go, releases all the pain from your body, reduces anger and frustration and then you work on yourself.
Learning to be free, single, do what you want when you want and not having to answer to anyone else.
So I suffered too long and I had to be an adult and re educate my brain that I was actually a new person.
I could reinvent myself and live a life I wanted.
So in true creative impulsive Brenda style I’m taking a year out and next week I’m moving to London to live.
My passion is to teach childrens mindfulness and I will achieve my goals, that’s my style.
However I will commute weekly to see my children on their normal days but this 2017 I’m actually doing something for me!
I cannot contain my excitement. I cannot wait for new adventures, new people and new opportunities.
Those I will miss know who they are but being ill this year showed me who my real friends were and surprisingly enough a lot smaller than I thought. There’s no way that statement has been said for years without evidence. I saw when you are down that’s when you see your real friends.
A lot of lessons learned in 2016 but I’m wiser, I won’t suffer fools gladly any more. I’m worth far more than that.
Can’t wait to update you on my London adventures and remember everything in life is a lesson or a blessing.
Have thee most wonderful 2017.