Learning to live with uncertainty.
My life has had a lot of changes recently and not ones I expected. Not changes I wanted nor needed. Not changes I dreamt of nor ever saw in my future plans.
They caused me pain, struggle, headache, frustration, difficulty, self critism, self doubt, worry and inner conflict.
I tortured myself to try and fix the situation. I tried to be a rescuer. I tried to make it all better.
Nothing I did worked in fact sometimes by trying too hard I made things worse.
I struggled with acceptance, I struggled to accept these things were happening in my life. I didn’t want it and I really battled with allowing it to happen.
All my knowledge and teachings said just go with the pain, sit with it, accept it as it is and always remember some of the most painful times in your life lead to your greatest joys.
I will say I didn’t feel that in my 12 weeks of pain. Every inch of self belief I challenged. I challenged and questioned who I was and was angry this was happening to me.
My only sanity through this time was my very good friends. I am blessed with the strongest, kindest bunch of people who I can never repay for simply being there to help.
As I’m sitting here today I’ve entered a state of acceptance. It’s all I can do. I can no longer live in the pain that I was torturing myself with.. Because things were not going my way. Life has taken away control and changed my path way beyond what I wanted.
Who is to say what I wanted is right for me?
What do I know what’s best for me?
All I do know is that I have no control over others, I have no control over how other people act, behave or think and in my torture of myself recently the lesson I have learned is in this world I cannot make another love, like or accept me. This I know I am totally powerless over.
I am only in control of me. My thoughts, my actions my behaviour. If others cannot see life like me then I have no power over that.
Also pain is pain and we all suffer differently. Please accept that it’s OK to suffer as long as you need to get it out of your system.
As people we change as we evolve and that’s part of growing up, learning and developing.
Not everyone who starts on our journey ends up being there the whole way. Some take turns off and new people join us. It’s called life’s great journey.
We meet everyone along the way to teach us the lessons we need to learn.
And today I know it is better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all.
Love is love and to see love in everyone is what life is all about.
To accept uncertainty and believe that this part of your journey is wisdom.
And to believe that everything that happens is for a reason…… That is your life and simply live it with love x
Have a wonderful day
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